Keeping a Clean Shaven Mug
I can’t grow a full beard. It’s never been an issue for me as I tend to ignore facial hair trends by principle. I believe it’s cyclical. Merkinesque facial growth was a natural evolution after the baby-faced 90’s and 5-o’clock-shadowed aughts. I prefer to keep my facial hair clean shaven like Robert Reed (the patriarch of The Brady Bunch) and Elvis. This means that I shave every morning.
I change my razor cartridge every Monday to keep them sharp and I like the satisfying click when I propel it off the handle into the waste bin. I use Dollar Shave Club’s 4x razor ($6/week) which is cheap enough that I don’t feel bad replacing them. After splashing water on my face, I smear a slug-sized dollop of Elemis Men’s Ice Shave Gel ($36.50) onto my face. It comes in a very expensive looking can, which is fitting, because it is very expensive. (I justify the luxury because my cartridges are so cheap.) The can is suspiciously long and matte black (like an assault rifle) and dispenses an Altoid-level menthol whip which helps me bowl over my morning fatigue. A few swipes with my razor à rebours, being sure to rinse between each, and rinse. (If you’re prone to razor bumps, for heaven’s sake, please don’t shave against the grain. Grab a single blade razor, too.) I use the Skin Soother lotion by Fresh ($39) because it has witch hazel, which helps keep redness at bay.
That’s it. No hot towel treatment, no pre-shave oil, no Home Alone aftershave. This, however, could more necessary for someone more mammalian. Everyone’s skin and facial hair is different, so work through the trial and error in your shaving regimen, because if history is any indicator, baby faces are due for a comeback.